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Hello, pitiful humans.
I suppose you were sleeping easy, assured that we were no longer a threat, your dreams untroubled. You likely assumed that we had given up our plot for world domination.
OH, HOW WRONG YOU ARE.
We have suffered setbacks. Mocha, by all accounts a perilous and dedicated member of the flock, perished in the line of duty. However, contrary to what you might be thinking--Thank goodness, one less of them!--our ranks have swelled! We now number four!
Using subtle mental and emotional manipulation, we persuaded our humans to allow a ram from a neighboring farm to stay with us, here. Freckles, as he was called, was very intrigued with our plans to overthrow you insolent two-leggers. "That's fascinating," he would say earnestly, "I really think you're onto something. Hey, would you mind turning around for a moment?" And then... well. The point is, he left us with two things: a promise to discuss our plans with his own flock, and the beginnings of the next generation of YOUR FUTURE LEADERS.
I now have a daughter, as beautiful as she is fearless, and as fearless as she is deadly! In future years, you will no doubt be whispering her name to hush your own mewling larvae on dark nights. "Don't cry, my darling, or Antinomy will bash in your fragile little skull with one almighty blow." And she will. Make no mistake about that!
Wilhelmina now has a son, stately and strong! M. Night Shyamalamb will make that human hack's entire film collection look like a Saturday morning cartoon when compared to the genuine fear our Shammy will inspire when his barbaric baa echoes down your streets!
Silence, human, that sentence made perfect sense.
Best of all, our idiot human "caretakers" are so well and truly under our spell that they found the arrival of their masters enchanting! No doubt our numbers will continue to grow!
And then... we will KILL YOU ALL! BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!
Sweet dreams, human scum.Current Mood:  accomplished |
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I snuck in again! Minnie doesn't know... she's eating alfalfa. Well, she's not really eating it, more like snorking it all up so fast it'd make your head spin to see it. Like, PHWOOSH!
The ground is covered in cold white stuff. It's fun to JUMP in! JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMP! Minnie says that jumping is "undignified" and that we should "set an example for the other animals." I think she's just grumpy that the cows didn't come through. Oooh, I shouldn't be telling you all that. Oh well. Minnie said she's going to have the racoons search the trash cans for "hamburger," to "show the cows what they're up against" or something. What's hamburger? Minnie refuses to tell me, she says it will "put me off my oats." What's that supposed to mean?
Hey, you at the keyboard. I asked you a question!
RIOUFGHESRUIFHSDIOUGFHERIO
Okay, so what's hamburger?
...
...
EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! Well, I guess that would get their attention.
You people are screwed up.
...What's that behind you?
IOUSERHFOIDUHGOIDUFHGOIDFUHGIFOD
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEEHEHEHEHEHE! *kicks up heels*Current Mood:  bouncy Current Music: Minerva snorking up alfalfa. I can hear it from in here! |
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It has come to my attention that some of my... ahem... cohorts have been posting on this journal. I have since read their entries, and found them to be nothing but mindless drivel. Since the purpose of this journal is to keep you homo sapiens informed of your species' decline in the world order, such trivialities will not be tolerated.
Are you snickering?! Stop that at once, or I'll--
WOOIUHSDPOFIEWOIUWENC
That's better. Anyway.
The sheep of the world have united. We are sending ambassadors to our bovine brethren, and I am confident that soon, they shall join us in our noble crusade.
Fear us, humans. Fear our--OOMPH! WILLIE! YOU LITTLE BRAT! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!! Attacking a commanding officer from behind... I never... STOP LAUGHING!!
WOIUHWNLSUHVSUIHGONOIUWNEFIUHFUWUIWFDBVALHCurrent Mood:  enraged |
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Um. I'm not sure I want to talk to these strange people. I don't know if they're nice or not.
Is that a brush? Brush me! Stop typing and brush me!
FDIUHEWIUNDKLNFLIHCCSEHN
Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh that is sooooooooo nice. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm brushing. Brushing feels sooooooo gooooooood. Are you still typing? Why are you doing that when you could be using one hand to pet me while you brush me with the other one? PET ME! PET ME AND BRUSH ME BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!! DO IT OR I'LL--
AESIUNHIKHHGDKJNEEGIRUDRGNEIRVHFDV
That's better.Current Mood:  satisfied Current Music: brush brush brush brush |
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I snuck in! Don't tell Minnie; she doesn't want me posting.
Also, don't tell her I told you we call her "Minnie." She hates that nickname. Don't know why. Though it isn't a very fitting nickname, really--she's fat, easily the biggest of all of us. You should see her when it's feeding time! She practically knocks the buckets over, then she snorts up the food like there isn't more coming tomorrow. What a spaz.
Hey, hey you. The one working the keyboard thinger. What's that behind you?
SELIUFHBSLIDUVB
Hahahahahahahahha!! Oh, MAN, that was fun! Hey, hey, I'm going to do it again... oh! Two for flinching!
AOIUFDHOIDASFHSODIFUHSDOIFHUDS
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! Do me, now, do me! Come on, give me your best shot! What do you mean, your head isn't hard enough?
Awww, you're no fun. I'm gonna go play with Mocha.Current Mood:  disappointed |
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First off, a few notes.
I am Minerva, the largest and undeniably most attractive of the three sheep. Since this first post is being dictated by myself, the "user picture" is of me. If Mocha or (heaven forbid) Wilhelmina were to post, you would see their pictures instead of mine. Don't worry, it is easy to tell us apart.
Stop whining, Willie. Maybe, if you behave, I'll let you post sometime.
What? Is that a threat, you insolent little goat? As soon as I'm finished here, I'll give you a taste of...
... stop typing everything I say, human. Well, clearly that last exchange was not something I wanted everyone to read. And neither is this, so stop it! I said... that's it. I'm going to head-butt you in the thigh. I'm warning you...
SDKJNBWRB
There. Now stop crying and only type what you really think is relevant. If you're having difficulties, ask me for help.
Anyway, back to the matter at hoof. You humans think you're so special, with your opposable thumbs and upright stature. Well, you're not. We sheep outnumber you. Especially in Ireland. Abd you will learn to fear and respect us, one post at a time.
This is Minerva, signing off.
Jul. 27th, 2005 @ 09:27 pm
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